In life, especially when it comes to love interests, there are times when we – or at least some of us – find ourselves fantasizing about unavailable loves, ones that are not that into us. Yet, we tend to blow things out of proportion, decipher every little incident, a.k.a. text msg, nod or like on insta. We read too much in a simple “Hello” or gesture, convince ourselves there is hope, even when clearly there isn’t, and interpret things the way we want to! This is what I call having a “Fantasy Guy”.
“Fantasy Guys” usually come to fill the void or uncertainty we feel at times; they are a form of denial and they almost always lead to disappointment.
The romantic ones (including myself), we usually pick an unattainable target to keep ourselves distracted from other causes of stress or sorrows and create a sort of happy thought, a story-tale to put us to bed. Having a fantasy or a happy thought can seem rather harmless at first, but the longer we hang on it, the more headspace it occupies and the more obsessions it grows. I have come to the conclusion that the tricky part about having a “Fantasy Guy” is deliberately forgetting that it is exactly that, “a FANTASY”; hence, not a REALITY! It becomes problematic and unhealthy, when we repeatedly refuse to face the real facts. Instead, we withhold ourselves from moving forward or keeping our eyes wide open for real opportunities and loves to come into our lives.
Eventually, the wake up call will come one way or another; cold pragmatic facts always catch up! But the more time and energy we have wasted in feeding our “love fantasies”, the bigger the slap and disappointment.
Over the years and a few missteps down the line, I have come to realize that, especially when it comes to love pursuits, the old sayings “let things go” and also “go with the flow” are the more accurate ones. Real Loves, Big Loves have always happened naturally and unexpectedly. Having real chemistry requires a “two- way-street”, less effort and certainly less over-thinking! The moment you let down your defense wall, stop being so self-conscious and feel at ease, this is when all fantasies cease to exist and love takes over in the best possible way.
Photo credit: Anna Tagalou